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'And i dont want the world to see me, b/c i dont think they'd understand...' [entries|friends|calendar]
Ashley <3

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I hate how songs express the very thought thats are in my head.. [25 Jan 2011|01:13am]
[ mood | confused ]

Here we go,
Just lose control and let your body give in,
To the beat,
Of your heart as my hand touches your skin,
Is this love
Just sexual desire,
We're gonna start a fire!

give a thought

Have you ever wished for an endless night? [19 Nov 2010|10:54am]
[ mood | calm ]

Hello LJ how ive missed you!
I've had to take a back seat from life to appreciate things more i feel. Im busy all the time and i hate that feeling, the feeling as if i have no me time and stressed. But this week ive tried to change that problem. Ive addressed a few issues i needed to correct, and im working on them :) Its crazy how fast things can change, people you least expect come in and out of your life!
Im crossing my fingers that this could be a blessing in disguise.

I dont want to get my hopes up, but its hard not too when everything just feels right, and you dont question things when youre around them.. but when you havent had to take on a certain role in life for a few years its hard to get readjusted and know what to do.

Ive been able to reflect on life lately, and its awesome therapy. Things are coming together slowly, but i am turing over positive leaves in my life. I have started working out again! Its a great feeling to want to do it for myself again! I think i am enjoying life more because im worrying less about what others think, and putting myself first to make me happy for a change!

Until next time :)

give a thought

you belong among the wild flowers, you belong somewhere you feel free.. [18 Jul 2010|10:38pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

Oh how sometimes I'd love to run away from reality...
My life as of late has become an endless cycle.. work, nap, work, sleep.. with occasional eating and workingout thrown in the mix, plus drinking of course. lol...
Working three jobs isn't all that great..I'm a slave to the money =(

It's sad when your co-workers and roommates have grown to be your best friends. what happened to the past? What has happened now.. what will happen to me in the future? These questions I am puzzled with on a day to day basis.

I can't complain about life, because well, I have pretty much everything i could need... or want...

Things are finally coming together years later, and all i do is laugh. My life is a joke. I don't know what i want anymore.. I thought i did, but its a bittersweet symphony trying to make ends meet.

It has felt great to write again, I wish i could do this more often.. I wish i had a companion to share all these thoughts and dreams with. ..

Till next time!

give a thought

You found me.. [23 Feb 2010|11:13pm]
This weekend was one of the best i've ever had.. haha.. friends.drinking.smoking.staying up till 8a.m..love.... what else could you ask for?

I wish boys weren't so confusing.. im even more confused now.. boys being jealous of one another, old and new, who woulda thought...

Even though i work 2 jobs, i'm digging both alot now too.. i dont get burned out with either..

Spring Break is almost here. Panama again, new friends, and some old, should be interesting lol always is! I just can't wait to be warm!

It's weird to look back and see how much i've matured over the past few years, oh college what have you done with me?

Either way i dig it =)
give a thought

[19 Feb 2010|01:13am]
[ mood | blah ]

Ohhh future... what will you have in store for me...
only time will tell =(

I wish life would pause, and let me mentally catch up to it!

I have too many thoughts running through my mind lately, I need to release it all sooner or later, because who knows what's bound to happen..

Lent just started, I'm trying to be a good Catholic, so during the season I am going to attend mass on a regular basis, and repair damaged relationships. I think this will be good for me..

I love being a history major now, it helps me appreciate life, and what i have now a days. It makes me realize so many things. However, lately, it has also made me sad, and miss/appreciate my grandparent's more.. I wish I could have asked them so many more things, but I have learned to not take things for granted anymore, so that's always a plus!

... But until another day l.j. ...
<3 me!

give a thought

There's really no way to reach me.. [16 Feb 2010|02:02am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Lately, I have felt like i'm just sitting here in slow motion in my own bubble, while the rest of the world around me seems to be continuing on without me. It's hard to explain how i have been feeling as of recent... I feel like everyone is happy around me and here i sit. All i do is work, homework and KDT activities, it's getting old fast. I love my classes, however, i never have enough time to do all my work.

I feel like i've lost touch with alot of things and people. My family really won't talk to me so that sucks, i feel like they could care less about me, since I'm not in the Marines or live with them still. It sucks when you're the only one who is out of the loop, and doesn't get invited to things because they forgot too, or are too lazy to ask you themselves.. Oh well, maybe they'll start caring someday soon.. maybe they'll realize soon enough that they hurt my feelings, and that I have no desire to talk to them.

I wish i had more motivation.. I'm hopeful for spring, maybe then I'll be out of my rut. I just want to feel cared about, i don't think that's too much to ask for. I need ambition to turn things around!

2 remembered| give a thought

she was precious like a flower, she grew wild, wild but innocent.. [20 Nov 2009|12:15am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Oh how ive missed you l.j. =(

Where to update my life? Im not sure.
I have felt like an adult lately, and it scares me. Finally knowing what im doing with my life is a great feeling!
I am currently going through a "break up" i guess you'd call it. with my "relationship" that i have had for a year and some change now. Im not sad. Its for the best.. I miss him sometimes but we're not talking currently and it's probably for the best. However, i miss my best friend.. He needs to figure out what he wants in life, and i am not going to wait around anymore. It's finally clicked after so long.

I feel alone in life, but it has made me an even stronger person in the end. Its sad when i walk by most of my best friends and know nothing about their lives, it pains me that they dont even get excited to see me.. are they still my friends? Sadly it doesnt seem that way anymore. We're all different people now. Who's to blame, what is too blame? Organizations, college, people, boyfriends, whatever the reason may be it still sucks.. It sucks when you get older you also have fewer friends. Who would have thought it'd turn out this way just a few years ago =(
I have to stay positive, it doesn't seem to bother them, so why should it me?
Everything will be ok in the end. I have hope. Maybes it's just time to give up and walk away..

Life can be a joke, but i enjoy its humor it hands me.

Until next time

1 remembered| give a thought

[29 Mar 2009|10:21pm]
Pee on a stick and feel way realived about life =)
I love it!
1 remembered| give a thought

Are we human, or are we dancers? [05 Feb 2009|04:20pm]
[ mood | calm ]

last class away from the weekend. =)
I need to bathe. i smell of subs =(
Im curious/nervous to see what's gonna happen tonight between me and this boy.
I hope rush goes better tonight.
I feel let down by some people. I feel like they've just dropped me out of their life and could care less. I wish it didn't bother me.
I love how my professor and managed to talk about nothing in the past hour.
Just how Miley cyrus offended asian people. =)
Love it.
i wish i wasnt so cold.
Oh well.
Class is over. yay

give a thought

The week in a nutshell [02 Feb 2009|12:00am]
[ mood | happy ]

I loved having a mini break/ice storm.
It gave me time to myself... time to feel sympathy, time to relax, also, time to bond with people i never would have. Needless to say, I loved it.

I got a spray tan, you could say im celebrating black history month. haha.

I ate to much this week. I feel way over weight. =(

I loved the superbowl. im sad the nfl season is over now. I swear im not a dyke. But hell yeah for the Steelers.

I feel like i drank every day this week. lol not good either.

Yay for school starting back. Just 1/4 of this semester down. Im excited to see what else is in store for me

give a thought

Open your eyes... [26 Jan 2009|02:02am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Its crazy that late night thoughts, snow patrol, and a good cry can put your life: the past, present and the future into perspective..
I now understand what people meant when they did certain things that hurt me so much. With time passing, it reiterates how much more knowledge you gain with age and experiences.
I love not having any regrets in life. I love the fact that i actually really truly do LOVE my life right now. And i can clearly say that without hesitation.

Im actually opening my eyes to things that i never thought i would have a few years ago...

Im eating healthier & doing fitness classes...
I know what i want to do with my future.. I have decided to go to grad school. Big shocker for myself. And i plan to go out of state, seeing as how i've always felt as if there's nothing in KY for me.

Im talking to a boy.. we have everything in common yet we are so different.. I quite enjoy it. I found someone that gets me more then ever before.. I hope things continue to progress...

Im also playing basketball on a team for KDT. Something that i've always wanted to do, that no one ever really knew. And now im actually going for it...

I actually have money that i can spend on myself and i love it.

So basically in a nutshell.. I love working all the time, I love taking 18hrs and actually enjoying my classes.. I love my friends.. I love how im trying new things.. 2009 looks very hopeful for me!
Therefore, i cant complain life has treated me quite well. I have all that i could possibly want.
<3 <3 <3

give a thought

Dream of Californication [12 Jan 2009|01:22am]
[ mood | calm ]

Back to school.
Back to a semi normal life i suppose.
It feels good to be here. Weird. But it feels right.

I have moved on in my love life i think. I feel accomplished finally =) I hope things can become possible.
I also have money to spend on myself. whoohooo.

Im finally content with everything. Its a good time for me. things are back on track. And im over being depressed last semester. =)

Well this is all i wanted to express...


give a thought

Life being on track. [03 Jan 2009|12:03am]
[ mood | curious ]

Im a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason.
My destiny is in my own hands, however events and people are always able to hinder that.

This year im hoping for the best. Alot has happened in the past years, im excited/nervous to see what is possible for the year 2009, another step closer to being an adult.. finding love.. finishing school.. the future basically..
Breaks are love hate for me. I always manage to find some down time to think about life..

Im trying to make things better in most areas of my life. Its hard whenever other people are willing to put fourth the effort..

I feel so old lately. =( lol.. my body is so sore. Im trying new things. a.k.a basketball yesterday. Crazy times for my life. It's all good for me in the end.

<3 <3 <3

give a thought

My life on pause. [29 Dec 2008|01:15pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I love being in this open peaceful room. I feel at ease.
Not a care in the world.
No Stress.
Its a good time for my life.
I never get this break from reality.

I can not go to the ocean, or try the streets at night..Can not wake up in the morning without you on my mind..
So your gone and im haunted.
Do i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life.
Good bye my almost lover,
Good bye my hopes and dreams.
Im trying not to think about you..
why wont you let me be?

Shoulda known youd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do..

I love music. it paints the image that is my life.
my dreams.
my future.
Its good to hope.
I will bring the ease to my life.
Im walking steep.
droned my fear to you all just disappear.
Black hole sun. wont you come. and wash away the rain..

<3 <3 <3

give a thought

Stolen from Kara.. But i love my answers =) [16 Dec 2008|11:51am]
1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
The last song

2.How would you describe yourself?
Whatever you like

3.What do you like in a girl/guy?
Crash and Burn

4.How do you feel today?

5.What is your life's purpose?
American Girl

6.What is your motto?
truly madly deeply

7. What do your friends think of you?

8. What do you think of your parents?
roll another joint. (hahahaha)

9.What do you think about very often?
break the ice

10.What is 2 + 2?
right now (na na na)

11.What do you think of your best friend?
take a bow

12.What do you think of the person you like?
slow me down

13.What is your life story?
man eater

14.What do you want to be when you grow up?
when i need you

15.What do you think of when you see the person you like?
H to the Izzo

16.What will you dance to at your wedding?
Living our love song

17.What will they play at your funeral?
All over you

18.What is your hobby/interest?
Hot 'n Cold

19.What is your biggest fear?
It ends tonight

20.What is your biggest secret?
Bleeding Love

21.What do you think of your friends?
Just a little bit

22.What will you post this as?
I still aint over you

23.What song would you play during your first time having sex?
Pour some sugar on me
give a thought

Im the truth to your lies.. [16 Dec 2008|11:29am]
[ mood | content ]

This is me getting my shit together.
Ive been wasting time & money... F the future though. F college.
Im not ready for the world, because i have no idea what i want to do.
Lack of motivation=shitty grades..
Some may call it pathetic, but i just want to be happy and enjoy my life, unlike most people just thinking about money.
Finals week has hit hard. Studying all night, even made a study guide, for the ice storm to hit and have the test be optional. WTF. that's my life though. It was a good lesson i suppose.

well.. somedays i feel like i want/need commitment, and the others.. well im perfectly fine without the stress of it, and having everything else except the label of it all. I mean i think i feel like i need it because its the cultural 'norm' But hell.. Its good for right now, i don't see a future, so it's ok to keep it around if it makes me happy and someone still cares about me at the same time.

At least with the new year approaching, i have a chance to redeem my life. And actually make something of myself.

It's weird to think how much people have changed too. Just in one year, i barley talk to my old friends. it sucks. I miss it. It's awkward, i dont know how to fix it.. or if well it should be fixed. It's no ones fault, just busy lives. lack of energy. gay. =(

KDT.. well that has pretty much consumed my life/money. Its hard to pull a failing organization out of the gutter. But it's on its way back up. =)

For once i don't have drama around me, probably because i dont really give two shits anymore. Whatever happens, and im just honest now a days, and if people can't handle that, well i was the bigger person. It's a good time i suppose.
I guess this is a good catch up on my life.

give a thought

Just live your life.. [03 Nov 2008|09:49pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Its already november wtf. =(
Where did this year go. lol
I hate working all the time and not having any money to show for it =(
Ive sucked out this semester im pretty sure. It's just hard to find time amongst my crazy life to care about it..
I wish i didn't have things standing in the way of happiness either. I want to just have time to make things work..
oh well. Christmas break will clear things up and calm things down..

give a thought

Life. [20 Oct 2008|01:03am]
I miss when people use to care
and when my friends actually gave two shits about my birthday..
Oh well..
that's life for ya.
give a thought

[16 Oct 2008|01:10am]
I wish i cared about school.
1 remembered| give a thought

right now now now... [12 Oct 2008|02:55am]
[ mood | restless ]

My life in a nutshell right now is CRAZY. I rarely find time to breath and have me time. I can't really change any of it, work, class, kdt, family, friends ect.. so i just go with it, and i'm trying to make the most of it, it's just hard not to be so stressed. I worked on destressing this weekend, hopefully it will work untill fall break, at least. lol.

I feel like I am constantly stuck in the bubble, and the world keeps on going without me.I feel alone alot of the time. It sucks, but that to, im working on.
I need to focus more on school and improve my grades, however this semester i have lacked ambition for my classes. With the new change of major to interior design, i feel more hopeful and ready to tackle one of my goals.

Love isn't so much happening right now for me either. Boys are complicated, weather or not they'd like to admit it. Im questioning everything right now. I feel like i have this new opportunity but it'd be the last, and it'd be serious. Im scared. I have no clue what i want.

I wish our life plans were mapped out for us. That would be greatly useful for times like this.
Untill next time.
Keep living your Life =)

give a thought

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